Is This Thought Planting Peace?
Or, What Matthew McConaughey Taught Me About Letting Go
As I’ve shared here and elsewhere, I speak kindly to almost everyone, except myself.
Even now, after all I’ve lived and learned, I can still spiral into harsh, unforgiving inner talk. It’s automatic. It’s old. It’s familiar.
When Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey came out, I listened to the audiobook. I wasn’t sure where to place it, somewhere between enlightenment and toxic masculinity. Eventually, I decided it could be both. Or neither. It didn’t matter. The man can tell stories.
Around that time, I also watched a few of his interviews. I can’t say whether this came from the book or a promo appearance, but the idea went something like this:
If you’ve owned it, learned from it, changed your behavior, and it’s still holding you back, tell yourself it never happened. Let it go. Move on.
That last part, “tell yourself it never happened,” stuck with me.
My first reaction was: That’s weak.
But lately, I’ve been questioning my first reactions. Especially the ones that show up like muscle memory but may no longer serve.
Maybe letting go isn’t weakness.
Maybe it’s self-protection.
Maybe it’s peace.
I believe I can love myself and still critique my choices.
But that love can’t come at the expense of my peace.
If it does, it isn’t love.
It’s penance.
(That word alone gives me chills. Flashbacks to making my first reconciliation as a nine-year-old Catholic. And, at first, I typed “soul” instead of “peace.” But then, I thought more about it, and I believe my soul is always protected, no matter what garbage my brain throws at it.)
So here’s my latest trick.
When I’m slipping, looping, spiraling, or piling on, I ask:
Is this thought planting peace?
If the answer is no, I picture myself on all fours in the garden of my mind, joyfully pulling weeds.
Because I imagine that in this beautiful neuroscape, there’s wild grass and fireflies.
Some wildflowers.
Some wind that mimics the ocean.
And maybe the peace I’ve been chasing has been there the whole time.
Just waiting for me to make space.
