A Bully:
A Beauty:
I took my first Health Story Collaborative class last night, and I loved it. Together with survivors from around the world, we worked on a writing prompt and shared what we wrote.
The prompt was to create an abecedarian. I’m linking the word because I’d never heard it before last night. We were asked to write either an abecedarian of our joys or a list of things we wish others knew or understood about our conditions.
I did neither.
Instead, I wrote one to help process the way I talk to myself, especially since melanoma cast a shadow over everything.
A Bully
C’mon.
Damn it.
Enough.
Fuck it.
Get going.
Hustle.
Idiot.
Jerk.
Kindergarten-writer.
Lolly-gagger.
Money-loser.
Nobody cares.
On and on.
Plummets.
Quitter.
Reject.
Stupid.
Tattletale.
Undone.
Very boring.
Wishing.
X-out the good.
Zero-tolerance—Apply to self.
Then, we were asked to write a reflection on our poems. I wrote:
Freeing and revealing. I missed Y, which I typically associate with the word You. While it's a mistake, I think it gives the piece more meaning because, currently (maybe always?), the bullying isn’t coming from a “you” or “them.” It’s me. So, good news: it’s within my control to change. It’ll just take work.
Then, this afternoon, I thought, why not write an abecedarian to counter the original?
A Beauty
Creative.
Darling.
Enough.
Fabulous.
Gorgeous.
Hottie.
Ideal.
Joker.
Kinder.
Love-giver.
Money-saver.
No loss of care.
On and on.
Plight-fighter.
Quiet-listener.
Rejects hate.
Super stylish.
Tale Weaver.
Understanding.
Very caring.
Wishing.
X-out the bad.
You, I, we can make mistakes.
Zillions of chances to begin—Again.
I’m still working on believing all the words in the second iteration. Nothing changed between last night and this afternoon about my circumstances. Only my thoughts. And my willingness to share them.